Giving Up Self…

Originally Posted by Tami

The Journey of Giving Up Self and Embracing God.

September 2007
As many of you know, we began a journey last December with our foster son, J. Our hope is to adopt him, but as of right now, he is not legally free. When J. came to us, he was almost 7 months old and had suffered neglect and several moves prior to being placed in our home. Little J. was basically stoic, non-responsive and showed many signs of major infant attachment problems. When you looked into his eyes, there was no light in them, as if he was just existing...not really living.

We began to care for him and meet his needs in ways they had never been met before, even anticipating what he would need before he could. It took two and a half months for us to get a smile out of him. Initially, J. wouldn't look into our eyes or cuddle at all. J. wasn't able and didn't know how to receive comfort or any form of intimacy. He would scream, fight, and cry through his bottles, even though he was hungry and wanted to eat. J. fought to control everything in his life because he didn't know he could trust us.

Soon, he started performing for strangers, friends and acquaintances. He would be so happy around other people, flirting and going to anyone that put their arms out. Anyone except his own family at home. He wouldn't let his defenses down and get attached to us. We prayed and prayed over him. For the first 6 months, J. would physically fight being prayed over and then one day something happened in him and he began receiving the prayer with out a fight, looking in my eyes and praying with my face as I fed him his bottle. Breakthroughs were happening! He was beginning to trust.

Now, after 9 ½ months of intense spiritual warfare prayer, lots of love, hard work and help from professionals and families that have been in the same situation, J. is on the road toward health. He looks to Mommy and Daddy for comfort and security and he accepts hugs and kisses. He still has quite a way to go, but we see him attaching more securely every day and getting healthy.

I tell you this story because as we've lived it, God has shown me the many parallels between J.'s attachment journey and our walk with Jesus.

-We start out dead inside (sin), but our exterior looks alive.
-We seek to fill the void in our life by attaching our self to anything or anyone.
-We try to control our life, often ending up at odds with God's plan for us in that attempt to be in control.
-When safety is offered in Christ Jesus, we may not see it as good, but try to go back to our old ways. The problem is that once we've encountered Christ, nothing else will ever satisfy.
We are wounded and want comfort, but we don't know how to let ourselves go and receive what the Father has for us.
-When God shows us the right path, His way, we fight back with our own plan. Our plan is not to our benefit, but God presses in and sees us through. No matter how hard it is on us to be in distress, it is so painful to God to watch his child suffer and not run to him.
-We fight, fight, fight and finally begin to give in, relaxing once we spend time in His presence.
-Finally, in Him, we are whole and healthy, looking to Him in all things; consistently going His way and knowing He will hold us and right our upside down world by His grace, mercy and love.

Thank you Tami for sharing your story with us!